“Suffering is the origin of Consciousenness”
-Dostoyevsky, Notes from the Underground
The people of today are afraid of suffering. We try all means to avoid suffering. People consider suffering as the result of wrong deeds. Most people suffer because of the wrong usage of their freewill, improper use of things, wrong use of power and making wrong decisions. These are some of the reasons why human beings experience suffering. We cannot avoid experiencing it, because as human beings we are prone to commit mistakes and as a result we suffer. People experiencing suffering in different ways: suffering from illnesses, suffering from poverty, suffering from studies, suffering in the seminary and many more. We normally complain when we experience suffering. With that we normally define suffering as something that brings us burden. As a human being we don’t want to suffer.
Normally we consider suffering negatively. Most of the times we do not want to experience it or even hear it. However not all of us consider suffering in this way. One person who gave an account on suffering is Fyodor Dostoyevsky. He looked on suffering on its positive sense in fact he gave it importance. He said that suffering is important because it is the origin of our consciousness which make us great. As he puts it: “suffering is the sole root of consciousness”[1]. It is because as we bear the role of being makers of meaning we also carries the burden of being meaning makers. We are not sure on the meaning of our lives. With that we become conscious of our own limitations, of our own weaknesses, and conscious that we will die someday. These can lead us to experience despair and this despair is the burden we bear. This consciousness that comes from our burden we bear as meaning makers makes us great. It is for this reason that we cannot trade it with anything else. He later considered excessive consciousness as a disease wherein we do not become true to ourselves. But still consciousness is important. Although he considers it as the greatest misfortune “man loves it and will never exchange it for any satisfaction”.[2]
As I am reflecting on Dostoyevsky’s concept of suffering as the sole root of consciousness, I realized that it is really a great help in order for me to become great. It is because the moment I suffer, I started to complain and ask questions about the reason for my sufferings. When I ask myself, I notice that there is something wrong with the things I have done and with its consequence that is why I experience suffering. These are the things that are often times I do not paying attention to, when I suffer that is the only time that I become conscious of it. Once I become conscious of the reason of my suffering, it serves as a lesson for me, so that I will not commit the same mistakes again. This consciousness makes me great and strong. I also realize that I have nothing to be afraid of, when it comes to suffering. In fact it really helps me to become conscious of the things that I’m not conscious about before and this consciousness makes me great. Before, I am afraid to make decisions, because I am afraid to suffer the consequences. Dostoyevsky reminded me that suffering will teach me a lot. I become conscious of the things that I do which helps me to become strong and to know more myself. The more I suffer the more I become conscious that I am alive. I learned many things from my suffering. I will give one concrete example that I learn from my suffering. During this midterm examination I failed to pass my cosmology subject. It’s hard to accept it because that was my first time to get a failing grade, I really suffer from it. I was not able to sleep on that day, asking myself the reason of my suffering and why I failed. Until it arrive to the point that I become aware of my mistakes, which I am not giving so much effort toward that subject. As a resolution, my suffering taught me to be more serious on that subject, so that I will not fail again. I will never become aware of these things unless I suffer.
However I can say that suffering is important in man’s life because I believe to Dostoyevsky that it is the origin of consciousness. This consciousness makes us great. Without suffering we will not become great because in this suffering we become conscious. It is also important because it helps us to become conscious of the things that we do. It is important because it teaches us many lessons in life. As a resolution I will not avoid experiencing suffering because I don’t have anything to be afraid of regarding suffering. At the same time I will not look at suffering on its negative sides, rather I will look at it on its positive sense.
[1] Fyodor Dosteyevsky, Note from Underground, trans., Mirra Girsburg (New York: Bantam book, 1974) p. 39
[2] Ibid.
